He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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