I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
