so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
