I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
