Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
