Pants 0. Shit 1.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
