Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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