drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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