You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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