I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize
