totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
