The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
