Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
