Your face is a jimmy john
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
