Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
