I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
