You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
