so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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