I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When did angry sex become our thing?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
