he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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