make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
