i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
