Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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