Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
