Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
