I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
