Me. At least after what I've been through.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
