I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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