there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
