I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's never too late to be topless.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
