We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
