Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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