I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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