:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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