Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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