I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
