The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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