So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
