He is an equal opportunity slut.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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