better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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