Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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