You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
