Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
