it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
