she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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