i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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