i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I faked an abortion last night.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
