when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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