thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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