I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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