This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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