I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
